Is this hell? No, It’s O’Hare Airport

We’ve returned and recovered from the black hole of hell, otherwise known as the Chicago O’Hare Airport. I’m convinced that it really is hell. You think you are progressing forward, going somewhere, but you’re not- you’re just waiting. Everyone on the other airlines are going places, so you think that if you just wait, it will be your turn. But it never is. You can’t sleep. The benches are ridiculously uncomfortable and jab into your side, it is cold, too bright for sleeping and the repetitive announcements about leaving your luggage unattended never stop! And so what if I left my luggage unattended? No one is here to mess with it! There’s no food and they only pretend to have Starbucks open 24 hours, but it really doesn’t open until 5:00am, which never comes! The keepers of hell make you think it’s not so bad by having clean restrooms, but for all I know the handy toilet seat covers are reused and I probably have flesh-eating butt bacteria. But I’m convinced that I’ve cracked the code. When we all die, we’ll find out that hell is really spending eternity in the Chicago O’Hare Airport and nothing like Dante’s Inferno. There are no levels or circles of hell… just terminals. This is the place where bad people, murderers, dentists and the inventors of ankle-socks go.