Resolution: Walk and Chew Gum

Or as my husband states it, "Honey, maybe let's start with chewing gum while seated on the couch. Then we'll talk about walking."

Rude? Maybe.

Honest, funny and well-deserved? Decide for yourself.

It started, well, probably at birth. I have a foot issue. Walking-ly challenged one might say.

Imagine a two year old toddling around. Her sisters have shoved her hands into the pockets of her coat, because, really what two year old needs pockets? Then imagine this two year old falling forward, and with her hands restrained in her pockets, the metal edge of a step was the only thing to catch her face. Hence, the two scars on my upper lip.

Fast forward throughout the years and you'll see many, m-a-n-y, broken shoes. Shoes that spontaneously break soles, sandals flipping off of my feet, straps snapping, causing me to catapult forward, usually into the ground or down a few stairs. Mind you, I've never fallen down a flight of stairs, I save falling for small cases of 2-5 steps only. The series goes on and on...

High School- Heading out to a day of sketching, stoping first to slide uncontrollably, yet in slow-motion, down the painted BHS letters in the back parking lot, rubbing my knee into the asphalt. Hello new scar.

College Barn Dance- New cowboy boots, slipping, center dance floor, to my potential death under scores of sorority girls and fraternity guys trampling me to the tune of "Cotton Eyed Joe."

Only 2 square inches of ice- basically anywhere, it could be the only 2 square inces of ice left in March, and I'll find it, just to fall on it. Repeatedly.

A City Hall Attic- A few years ago climbing though 100 year old rafters and beams, walking tactfully along the boards laid out for us, as to not step on the insulation between the beams. Until there is a 10" gap between one board to the next, enough for me to unknowingly fall in the gap, to step plunging through the ceiling of City Hall. The knee of my other leg hitting the beam just in front of me, stopping me just long enough to catch myself with my arms. Thankfully we were in the attic to plan for replacing the celing and rennovating the building- I just started demo earlier than planned. Perma-bruise to remember that one by.

Come last week- Walking down 4 steps at work, ready to head home. Only 1 step left. I decide to just be done walking down the steps, launching myself forward, landing on both knees on the solid hardwood floor. You can imagine the two matching black bruises on the bottom of each kneecap.

So now you tell me. A good resoulution? Hmph. Jeff is right about the chewing gum...