Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Now remind me...

Why exactly do we live in the snow when this could be our backyard? I fail to find a good explanation, or any explanation for that matter.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Happy Birthday Padre!

It’s my dad’s 70th birthday! He’s one of my favorite people and I’m grateful to have him as my dad. Sure, we don’t always gotten along or agree on a number of things, but he loves me through all shades of hair or random things that I do, and I appreciate that. To commemorate his birthday I thought I’d throw out there a list of all the fabulous things my dad had taught me over the years, in no particular order:
  1. How to tell the difference between an F-16 and F-18.
  2. To have an appreciation for This Old House
  3. And no, Steve Thomas does not know what he is talking about
  4. To stand up for yourself.
  5. How to rotate tires on a car.
  6. The correct way to use a hammer.
  7. How to dance and kick someone’s butt at the same time
  8. To have eye contact when you speak in front of people
  9. How to use every power tool he has.
  10. How to change oil on a car without dropping the bolt in the oil
  11. That women should have bangs (obviously I don’t listen to that one)
  12. To appreciate a Dr. Pepper while sucking on a piece of dark chocolate in your cheek.
  13. How to shingle a roof
  14. Stand up for what you believe, even it isn’t popular.
  15. What an oil filter wrench is
  16. How to teach a church lesson- especially Gospel Doctrine, yes very scary
  17. That “there is no more important safety rule than this: To wear these, safety glasses”
  18. How to drive.
  19. How to drive a stick-shift.
  20. How to drive a truck in a canyon… when you’re 14
  21. How to drive in the snow
  22. A car should not leak oil on a driveway
  23. Dunford chocolate cake donuts are the best and treats taste best when hidden in a secret stash
  24. Baby drives a Mercury
  25. To appreciate General Conference
  26. Always warm up your car when it’s cold (thankfully jeff often does this for me)
  27. How to fix hole in pants with duct tape
  28. That it’s duct tape, not duck tape
  29. Shakes should be thick, and preferably chocolate
  30. The good way to get on and off a roof with a ladder so you don’t fall off (as you can guess, I needed to be taught that one)
  31. The power of priesthood blessings
  32. How to torch a wasps nest
  33. You gotta love the Man in Black
  34. Gene Kelly is King! And you can’t beat a Cary Grant movie
  35. Always give your boss an honest day’s work
  36. That hauling coal requires you to get black bugers in your nose
  37. If you can climb a tree, that means you can figure out how to get down
  38. Best naps are taken in a recliner
  39. How to line up the TV remote such that you don’t have to pick it up to turn the TV on.
  40. You get cracks in your tongue when you get older
  41. How to lay a parquet floor
  42. What a testimony is
  43. Not to let your gas tank go below a 1/3 tank in the winter (still working on this one)
  44. The correct way to use a BOSS bench oscillating spindle sander
  45. To be rightfully annoyed when someone uses a BOSS incorrectly
  46. Turn off the curling iron when you are done
  47. Not to be the first to pull into an intersection
  48. Girls should know how to do anything boys can do
  49. Girls should have their own tools
  50. A girl should be the first to pass the safety test in shop class
  51. Don’t ask “does your dog bite?” It may not be their dog.
  52. Dogs won’t bite you while you are on your bike if you keep pedaling
  53. How to start a car by rolling down hill
  54. Why a compound miter saw is so much cooler than a regular one
  55. Sean Connery was the best James Bond
  56. Don’t waste things
  57. Why prophets are so great
  58. How to change lanes the least when driving somewhere
  59. “Pre wash” your dish before you put it in the dishwasher by licking it off
  60. Why my mom is so great
  61. How to drive mom nuts by licking your plate
  62. How to properly smash aluminum cans with a wooden shoe
  63. How to replace a light fixture and to replace a light switch after you broke it
  64. Respect every President, even if you don’t like him
  65. Respect the military
  66. Save your money and don’t go into debt.
  67. Money isn’t any good until you spend it.
  68. Pennsylvania 6-5000!
  69. Don’t work on Sundays
  70. The fabulous entertainment of JAG, Walker Texas Ranger and It’s a Mad Mad World

Monday, January 12, 2009

Resolution: Walk and Chew Gum

Or as my husband states it, "Honey, maybe let's start with chewing gum while seated on the couch. Then we'll talk about walking."

Rude? Maybe.

Honest, funny and well-deserved? Decide for yourself.

It started, well, probably at birth. I have a foot issue. Walking-ly challenged one might say.

Imagine a two year old toddling around. Her sisters have shoved her hands into the pockets of her coat, because, really what two year old needs pockets? Then imagine this two year old falling forward, and with her hands restrained in her pockets, the metal edge of a step was the only thing to catch her face. Hence, the two scars on my upper lip.

Fast forward throughout the years and you'll see many, m-a-n-y, broken shoes. Shoes that spontaneously break soles, sandals flipping off of my feet, straps snapping, causing me to catapult forward, usually into the ground or down a few stairs. Mind you, I've never fallen down a flight of stairs, I save falling for small cases of 2-5 steps only. The series goes on and on...

High School- Heading out to a day of sketching, stoping first to slide uncontrollably, yet in slow-motion, down the painted BHS letters in the back parking lot, rubbing my knee into the asphalt. Hello new scar.

College Barn Dance- New cowboy boots, slipping, center dance floor, to my potential death under scores of sorority girls and fraternity guys trampling me to the tune of "Cotton Eyed Joe."

Only 2 square inches of ice- basically anywhere, it could be the only 2 square inces of ice left in March, and I'll find it, just to fall on it. Repeatedly.

A City Hall Attic- A few years ago climbing though 100 year old rafters and beams, walking tactfully along the boards laid out for us, as to not step on the insulation between the beams. Until there is a 10" gap between one board to the next, enough for me to unknowingly fall in the gap, to step plunging through the ceiling of City Hall. The knee of my other leg hitting the beam just in front of me, stopping me just long enough to catch myself with my arms. Thankfully we were in the attic to plan for replacing the celing and rennovating the building- I just started demo earlier than planned. Perma-bruise to remember that one by.

Come last week- Walking down 4 steps at work, ready to head home. Only 1 step left. I decide to just be done walking down the steps, launching myself forward, landing on both knees on the solid hardwood floor. You can imagine the two matching black bruises on the bottom of each kneecap.

So now you tell me. A good resoulution? Hmph. Jeff is right about the chewing gum...