Thursday, February 28, 2008

On the drive to work today I saw:

…a construction worker shakin' his groove thang while standing on scaffolding at the church library- he was tied on as to not fall off…

…the woman in my rear view mirror shoving her arm down her shirt, up past her elbow to resituate her bosoms in their bolster and by the grimace on her face, it must have been quite the feat…

…two tough and grumble looking guys wait at a corner for two women to walk up, when the women get there the two men start a fight, fists up and everything, boxer-dancing back and forth, purposely in the way of the women being able to pass by…


Tuesday, February 26, 2008

How is your sex life? Trying anything new?

Woah! How rude and inappropriate! Right? But really isn’t that what people are saying when they ask “So when are you going to have a baby?” or “When are you two going to start trying?” Again I say: rude and inappropriate question. If this were your business, you’d know. If you don’t know, obviously it’s not your business is it? And really aren’t people just saying, “We aren’t satisfied with you and what you are doing, and we’ve decided it’s time for you to change that. We only ask the question as to not seem too obvious.” It’s the same as asking, “You’re too cute to be single, when are you getting married” or “When are you going to give Suzy a little brother?” or “Now that you’re retired, when are you going on a mission?” Why ask these questions?

Now before you start thinking I must be really bitter or have a lot of baggage, or hate children, that's not true. This isn’t a blog out of anger, but rather amazement- My utter amazement that people still keep asking. I suppose they think if they keep asking, it will either encourage the baby-making, or eventually I’ll answer? Yes, I’ll answer when there is an actual baby in my belly, til then- buzz off.

So, as I am a menace to society, being married almost five years and having borne no offspring, you can imagine that Jeff and I have received more than our fair share of questioning and harassment. Over the years, we have gathered the following responses to the inquiries:

“Have a baby? Oh no, I’m far too selfish for that.”

“Oh, well actually I’m sterile.”

“Having children is a strict violation of my parole.”

“When are we going to have children? When people stop asking us… so apparently not anytime soon.”

“Getting pregnant requires having sex, right?”

As said to a 50-something male co-worker who makes asking me about babies a weekly ritual: “Well, from the looks of me and you… You look like you are closer to delivering than I am.”

“We did the math and if we both stay focused on our careers we’ll make more money than having children- even if you sell the children.”

“We’ve decided that when we’re done getting a good night’s sleep, going on vacation, and doing whatever we like, then we’ll have a baby.”

Saturday, February 23, 2008

How do I not remember that part?

As I was sorting through wedding pictures this last week I found the following pictures which make me wonder, what was happening there?

Thursday, February 21, 2008

I'm not as think as you drunk I am

Why would someone ever put walnuts in an Oatmeal Raisin Cookie? It's not called a Oatmeal Walnut Raisin Cookie, is it? No! But apparently Skool Lunch does put walnuts in their oatmeal raisin cookies, without bothering to label it. Thus, leaving me to eat said cookie, and have an allergic reaction. Thanks! So now, Angelina Jolie Lips- here I come! However I've now popped some Benadryl strips which have rendered me a bit high and loopy and happy... but that's not good seeing as I was just pulled into two impromptu meetings, one of which to impress a potential client. HA! I realized I should probably go home at the time I realized that the word "point" has a 't' in it that I just couldn't seem to pronounce. And I'm laugh alot when no one else seems to think things are funny. And I'm slurring a bit, combining words together that, I'm not sure, but probably shouldn't be put together. So, I'm bailing out early from work today, wondering what I would be like drunk. And agreeing with myself that I made a good choice staying away from the juice all these years as I'm almost certain- I would love it.

Monday, February 18, 2008

today I love:

No longer having a ghetto mirror mounted above my fireplace. And it’s probably a good thing it’s gone too because it was attached with only a few small screws. An earthquake and that sucker would have come down. Come to think of it, I live in an 93 year old brick house, so when my house slides off the foundation, I don’t think the mirror will be my biggest concern.

The new color of my living room. It looks great with the fireplace tile and really makes the wood pop.—picture to come

Home Depot. It’s the best place to spent money or waste time looking at fabulous things. Not only “You can do it. They can help.” But they also send in mail-in rebates for you. They have a little station to fill the info out and the send it in. Brilliance!

Behr Paint. It applies easily, is great for color matching with Home Depot’s handy dandy color match machine, it’s durable yet still lower in VOCs (volatile organic compounds) than most paints and it’s reasonably priced. Plus it’s a good excuse to go to Home Depot.

Leonidas Roses, Fall Hydrangea, Hypericum, Peonies, Dahlias… Connie asked, “How would you feel if Jeff bought you flowers on Valentines Day? Also, what is your favorite flower?” Jeff wouldn’t buy my flowers on Valentines Day because he knows I’m not a fan of Valentines flowers- cliché, pricey, poor quality, etc. He has sent me flowers for our anniversary and best of all, just randomly out-of-the-blue for no particular reason—those are the best! Some of my favorite flowers are Leonidas Roses, Fall Hydrangea, Hypericum, Peonies, Yarrow, Anemones, Aggies…

Jeff coming home from being out of town! He’s been gone for a friends wedding and gets home tonight! Yeah! I've noticed that whenever he’s out of town I start to understand crazy old ladies who have multiple cats. I find myself talking to our cat a ridiculous amount; I take poor Spice from room to room, talk to her about what I’m doing next, what we should eat for dinner, should we go get the mail, I have her hang out with me while I get ready for work… I get a bit nutty. And this is what poor Jeff gets to come home to.

Dr. Pepper. The real stuff, not the Diet. It’s just so fantastic, especially when you haven’t had it for a while… the nectar of the Gods!

Fish Tacos from Rubios. So good! And to make it even better, at the Rubios on 4th, they are only $1 on Tuesdays! The ultimate pre-belly dancing dinner!

Ikea. Because really, who doesn't?

Note to self:

NEVER eat the Cranberry Turkey Medallions from Smart Ones. It is not a smart choice, it does not make me reminisce of thanksgiving, nor is it edible. They call it a "Fruit Inspiration" but let me assure you that it was more like the "Fru-Its of the De-Vil." I had better go eat a Crown Burger or something to resuscitate my taste buds because that was just wrong.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Single Awareness Day

Two items of note today:

1. Happy Birthday to my sister Debbie!
Enjoy your birthday blueberry pancakes!
Love you sis!

2. I have triumphed over Valentines Day! Or Single Awareness Day as I used to call it- because really let's be honest, it's mainly a marketing day for florists, candy companies and jewelry stores. While I sound cynical, let me specifically say: Yes, I love the dinner my husband makes me, cards and all that goodness, (he's a great cook) and is so good to me that I don't want to make light of that in any way.
But my triumph is really over the fact that for the third year in a row- I AM NOT A FLORIST!
  • I don't work at a flower shop anymore, my fingernails are not a algae-reminiscent green, and I didn't have to work until all hours of the night arranging, wrapping and selling over-priced roses!
  • I don't have to give relationship advice to strange men wanting to know "what do I put on the card so she'll... ya know..." ---"NO, I don't know" is my answer.
  • And I won't get yelled at because the roses aren't the exact Sterling roses from the movie "Bed of Roses" that are her favorite! (Can you tell I have some floral baggage?)
Anyway, this truly is a day for celebration! So Happy Valentines Day to you!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

What good are you?

My sister has a personal rule that she can’t have something in her house unless it serves two purposes. Just liking something isn’t enough for it to make the cut and be welcomed into her house. Take a look at this chair I found online. You have a chair and a bookcase combo. You’re sitting down and think, “Hmm, I’d like to read.” Oh, no need to get up- that’s my kind of chair. The chair and ottoman, called the Bibiochaise and Bibiopouf, are made by italian designers nobody & co. They have some great bookshelves, funky expandable tables, and these: il Buddino- Buddha pudding molds. I think they would pass the double purpose test.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

I've chosen my mid-life crisis

One of my coworkers has decided that for her mid-life crisis, she'll be the tortilla lady at Cafe' Rio or Costa Vida, making warm tortillas all day. One of my bosses has missed his mid-life crisis, but has planned a 3/4 crisis to become a pilot. As for me, I'll be a backhoe driver. Either that or drive a bulldozer.

They're very similar and both knock things down, make holes and move stuff around. So one of these days when I get fed up and need to make some drastic change, this will be it. I already have my hard hat from work. But as you can imagine it's crisp and clean and doesn't show that much love, wear and tear. I keep secretly wishing that one of these days when I'm on a job site that I'll be able to talk a contractor into letting me use a backhoe or bulldozer, but unfortunately there are those crazy safety rules, OSHA and liability garbage that would likely get in the way. Either that or they seem to think I'm klutzy or something. I'm allowed to climb on a building, all over the roof or catwalks, or over a hill of dirt all I want, I just can't knock it over. So rude.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Keep all arms and legs inside the ride at all times...

Along with the rest of the world, I've decided to start a blog. I make no promises of philosopher's insight or fabulous entertainment. Simply this is a bit of what is going on in my head. Welcome aboard.