Tuesday, February 26, 2008

How is your sex life? Trying anything new?

Woah! How rude and inappropriate! Right? But really isn’t that what people are saying when they ask “So when are you going to have a baby?” or “When are you two going to start trying?” Again I say: rude and inappropriate question. If this were your business, you’d know. If you don’t know, obviously it’s not your business is it? And really aren’t people just saying, “We aren’t satisfied with you and what you are doing, and we’ve decided it’s time for you to change that. We only ask the question as to not seem too obvious.” It’s the same as asking, “You’re too cute to be single, when are you getting married” or “When are you going to give Suzy a little brother?” or “Now that you’re retired, when are you going on a mission?” Why ask these questions?

Now before you start thinking I must be really bitter or have a lot of baggage, or hate children, that's not true. This isn’t a blog out of anger, but rather amazement- My utter amazement that people still keep asking. I suppose they think if they keep asking, it will either encourage the baby-making, or eventually I’ll answer? Yes, I’ll answer when there is an actual baby in my belly, til then- buzz off.

So, as I am a menace to society, being married almost five years and having borne no offspring, you can imagine that Jeff and I have received more than our fair share of questioning and harassment. Over the years, we have gathered the following responses to the inquiries:

“Have a baby? Oh no, I’m far too selfish for that.”

“Oh, well actually I’m sterile.”

“Having children is a strict violation of my parole.”

“When are we going to have children? When people stop asking us… so apparently not anytime soon.”

“Getting pregnant requires having sex, right?”

As said to a 50-something male co-worker who makes asking me about babies a weekly ritual: “Well, from the looks of me and you… You look like you are closer to delivering than I am.”

“We did the math and if we both stay focused on our careers we’ll make more money than having children- even if you sell the children.”

“We’ve decided that when we’re done getting a good night’s sleep, going on vacation, and doing whatever we like, then we’ll have a baby.”

6 comments:

Connie said...

I totally understand where you are coming from! Brian and I waited for 5 years before having Jackson. Pretty soon, people think you have broken parts, so they stop asking.

My advice to you, is to wait until you are ready. Seriously, the "I'm too selfish" answer was our reason for waiting so long. And, to me, it's a good answer, because you really have to give up alot when you have kids.

The bad news is...even when you have had one kid, they start asking...isn't it time for another? Just last night, my neighbor said "if you get pregnant now, they will already be 3 years apart, you should think about it seriously." Will this vicious cycle never end?

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

Jen said...

So...when ARE you going to have a baby?

rachel said...

very funny jen.

Lisa said...

Rachel, Lisa Shingleton Adams here, Michelle's friend. I enjoy your blog, particularly this post. One of my favorite answers to the baby question comes from Ryan, Paige's husband. he says "9 months from when we conceive" - usually shuts people up.

Anonymous said...

#7 is my favorite. And you've been married 5 years. Wow, isn't it about time that you two.....Oh never mind.

Jeremy and Heidi said...

I love it. This is my vent: When I got married (at 21 years old) and everyone said, "You're too young to be married!" That always puzzled me. Would they say to a fat person, "You're too fat be married" or to a black person, "You're too black to be married". I think not. So why was it okay to say I was too young to be married in their OPINION? So Rude! You guys rock. We'll hang out soon!