I've entered a 12 Step Plant Program. I didn't exactly enter it as much as my sister threw me into it. She's created the program herself and felt that I needed emergency intervention, or rather my plants needed a serious intervention.
Step One: Admitting you have a problem. Hello, my name is Rachel and I kill plants.
Step Two: Eliminate plants from your life. All of the plants in my home were surgically removed and sent to the garbage. I swear that they weren't all dead, or at least not completely dead. There were a few good leaves left.
Step Three: A plant-free home life. Maybe that is why I was so compelled to by the big flower pillow at IKEA- I knew I was going to be void of real plants. The flower pillow I can't 'love to death' as my sister accuses me of doing to my plants. Yes, I love my plants, but I don't love them to death, I really don't... and apparently I haven't gotten over denial.
Step Four: I have recently received approval to pass to step four. A supervised succulent at work. I'm allowed a succulent, it lives at my desk at work, and I'm only allowed to water it when I get approval from my sponsor (sister). It's a very happy plant that takes sunny vacations each weekend at my coworker Jonathan's desk, because it's closer to a window. My plant's name is Raoul- but I promise that naming your plants is completely normal. Unless it sends me back a step, then I'll reconsider.
If I'm sucessful at step four and move on to new steps, one day I'll live a happy life, free from dead plants.