On advice of council, I'm sharing my morning yesterday. Start with me- I'm lying in bed, knowing I need to get up. I hear Ruby playing in her crib happily so I decide to take just a few more minutes before getting going. Ruby had after all fallen asleep the last night in her clothes on the way home from my sisters house and I decided she could just sleep in her clothes and I would be that much further ahead in the morning by not having to get her dressed- bonus. I finally get up to collect my happy baby and notice the ankle of her pant leg is wet. I suddenly remember my sister telling me last night that she didn't change Ruby's diaper while she had her and quickly do the math, realizing that she has had the same diaper on since 3pm- over 17 hours earlier. oh. Ruby, not just her ankle, is COVERED in pee. I start to strip her down and discover her antibiotics she is taking for an ear infection have resulted in a fabulously POOPY diaper as well that is EVERYWHERE other than in her diaper. Ruby is much displeased at being stripped as our usual routine is to nurse and have breakfast after she wakes up. In her displeasure, pee and poop covers the both of us. Cue my boss calling me with questions. And my discovery of two of our fish newly died in their bowl in the bathroom-yes, we keep our fish in the bathroom. At this time I give up on working out with my friend and text her the news. This buys me more time to clean up before I am to head down to my sisters house. In our nastiness, I nurse Ruby, get my boss's message, and feed Ruby hummus for breakfast- she is of course covered in pee, poop and hummus now. Good combination. It all looks the same. I get ready to take Ruby into the bathroom to shower, and step in kitty poop on the floor. Great. I deal there, then head into the bathroom, realizing I haven't dealt with the dead fish. I don't have a fish net so run to the kitchen, grabbing a measuring cup to fish out the two floaters. The first cup I find is a big cup, and when I plunge it into the dirty fish bowl, it floods poopy fish water and dead fish all over the bathroom. I grab kitchen tongs and towels to dispose of the dead fish and nasty water everywhere, grab the remaining two live fish with my hand and plop them into a pitcher of water and dump the remaining nasty water away. Ruby and I finally jump into the shower together to get nice and clean. I get out of the shower with Ruby to realize that I didn't grab any clean towels and only have poopy fish towels on the floor. Ruby and I stand there dripping wet and do our best not to make a total wet mess by using a couple small hand towels to semi-dry. I then realize that I haven't fed the fish and decide now, dripping wet naked, is a good time to feed them so I don't forget later. I feed the fish as Ruby wipes her super snotty nose on my naked chest. I've had enough of her bodily fluids this morning and cringe back, spilling smelly dry fish food flakes all over us which expertly clings to Ruby's and my wet naked bodies. Ahh. I scream Ahh. Ruby copies my scream. Ahh. My super-responsive mom body responds by squirting breast milk all over our "clean" naked wet fish food covered bodies. I give up. I throw clothes on our fish food and snot covered bodies, decide to forget the mess EVERYWHERE and leave, stepping in the poopy diaper I threw outside the back door on my way out. I don't care or even check to see if anything stuck to my shoe and walk on the grass, hoping it will remove any newly gained souvenirs. the end.
