Why instant messaging makes my day

My sister, who is one of my coworkers, sent this chain of gems. While we usually use IM for very official work purposes, occasionally we have bits like this:

M says:
Imagine me setting up bottled water in a bowl of ice because a) it looks refreshing and b) the *@#* water bottles weren't cold enough.
M says:
Imagine people on a conference call around the large table chatting about millions of dollars.
M says:
Not regular people, mind you, artsy people from THE (insert art center of choice).
R says:
well you do need cold water to be artsy. only if you are civilized.
M says:
Imagine seeing artsy people scuffling around and me hearing the word towel
M says:
Imagine me lamely handing a board member a roll of paper towels and hearing That bowl of ice has leaked all over the table and imagine that this board member is my boss.
M says:
Imagine me running downstairs for a replacement bowl and absorbent tea towel.
M says:
Imagine an embarrassed woman dodging discarded office chairs in an attempt to stealthily sneak into the conference room without making any noise to disturb the meeting.
M says:
Imagine a large butted woman in a skirt shoving her way between two annoyed artsies to sop up a puddle.
M says:
Now, if you can, imagine this woman crawling in her skirt, onto the table, trying to quietly sop, and with a wet tea towel, shorting out the conference call box, immediately bringing them meeting to a Fourth of July Firework type ending.
M says:
I hope you could properly imagine that last paragraph, because it's only imaginary. But you know that is what was going through my mind the entire time I was sopping...
R says:
wow... that was ultra-fabulous
M says:
Thank you...thank you very much....

Deodorant cures Kankles

Let me explain- No, too much. Let me sum up. (anyone catch that movie reference?) Anyhow, I went golfing for my first time last Friday. When I first started in the architecture industry, I was told that if I wanted to be successful that I needed to learn to golf. At first I thought it was a joke but now realized how much business is truly done on the golf course. Jump to last week and my work had an in-office golf tournament. Since this would be me making a fool of myself in front of my coworkers, which is pretty standard, I decided to go. To ensure I would have a good time, I guilted one of the good office golfers with the biggest ego to be on my team. I figured that if nothing else, I could enjoy myself tormenting him with my mad and fabulous golf skills. I ended up having a rather enjoyable time and did reasonably well. I was rather impressed with myself especially considering my complete lack of grace or athletic ability. The issue however is that we golfed at a lovely course in the middle of a swamp near the airport. Beautiful yes, but the mosquitoes found it beautiful too. And they decided to have my blood for breakfast and brunch. Apparently my right arm and right ankle are tastier than the rest of me as evident by the 8+ bites on each. This left me ridiculously burning bites which have swollen my ankle to what my sweet husband has now deemed a Kankle.

Kankle n. when the calf has so much fat on it that it blends with the ankle forming a kankle, also spelled cankle.

In my furry of burning and frustration, I was told that deodorant helps take away the sting, itch and inflammation. In summary: Today, my pits and my ankle smell like Wild Freesia- and I’m itch free. Oh, and the kankle is going away too.

The sweet fruits of summer

Straight from the vine in my back yard. And what fruit doesn't taste better with ice cream?

Payback

So my family has yet again conspired against me. Specifically, two of my sisters and my mother. I recognized my brother-in-law’s handwriting too but I won’t hold anything against him as I suspect was just a pawn stuck in their evil little game. What game you ask? A game to blackmail and embarrass me. There is no need for details. Just know that while the older sister was stressed out from starting a new job, my other sister was also getting a job and sending her youngest off to kindergarten, oops, I mean 1st grade (all too traumatizing) and my mother was preparing to leave the country for two years they seemed to be able to weasel in enough time to conspire against me. To be honest I’m not mad, just shocked and appalled… well actually not appalled. I would have done the same thing they did, if given the chance. While I work with one of the sisters, I figure she is already receiving her punishment by being associated with me. Plus I’ve told a number of stories about her to my, now our, coworkers, never expecting that her world would ever collide with my work world. But this leaves my other sister and my mom. What to do with them? For now I’ll leave my mother be, but just for now. But my other sister deserves a little-somethin-somethin. I’m considering the following: Someday when I get pregnant, I’m not going to tell her for as long as I can. Hopefully six months. The best part about this penalty is that it will keep her guessing. She’ll never know when she is being punished or not! Because you know what they say about payback… ha ha ha (evil plan laugh)

lds + green

So I've added some new blogs to my side list. Blogs which chat green things from an lds perspective. Now while this is the ultimate in cheese and I was reluctant to do so, I decided to add them after reading this fabulous post from Green Mormon Architect. Number 7 is my personal favorite.

The Top Ten Reasons to be a Green Mormon:

#10 Mormons are cheap and being sustainable saves money

# 9 The prophet said to plant a garden

# 8 Being translated is the smallest carbon footprint of all – just ask the Three Nephites

# 7 You can now be even more peculiar than all the other peculiar people in your ward

# 6 The stuff in Revelations doesn’t sound so bad if you believe in global warming

# 5 Feeding 5000 people with a few loaves and fish is really the way to go

# 4 We don’t have enough commandments yet

# 3 The earth already represents the lowest kingdom – making it worse leaves only outer darkness

# 2 We’re already used to saying, ‘It’s against my religion…’

# 1 Free your guilty conscience

The Dutchies are Leaving on a Jet Plane

Well they’re officially off this morning, on their way to their mission in Antwerp, Belgium. These past few months, and especially last few weeks, have been an incredible experience helping send off my parents with a going away party, their speaking in church and being set apart. It’s been so impressive to watch their lives and years of experiences come together with such a perfect culmination in this mission. No, it’s not that they’re dying or anything but it’s good grand-finale, if you will, for their send off. Not only were all of their kids and grandkids gathered together, but many many of their friends from years back showing their support and love for my parents. While it sounds bad, I’m so excited to send them off. This is the perfect place for them to be and it wouldn’t be right for them to be anywhere else. I watched my dad give a fabulous talk in front of a chapel full of people- and he doesn’t talk to people. My mom is taking a leap into a country and language she doesn’t know- and she’s doesn’t do the unknown. Plus she’s actually excited to do it. My dad has spent years of studying to perfectly prepare him and my mom has mothered and cared for people for years preparing her. And I must say that now I feel like the proud parent, so amazed by their accomplishments thus far, sending them off to a crazy big rude European world, scared for them but so happy too. Too bad I couldn’t pack them a lunch, with a note written on their napkin, walk them to the bus stop, and send them off with a big lipstick kiss on the cheek… but I suppose I’d have to wear lipstick first and that isn’t going to happen now is it?

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